Most persons demonstrate a very strong desire to be married and each person desiring marriage may express a different idea of the meaning of marriage. It is very important for everyone to have a good understanding of marriage and what is expected from us in a marriage before we enter into a marriage.
What is marriage?
Marriage in its true essence is a God directed covenant between a biologically born woman and a biologically born man. It is a covenant which is both civil and spiritual. The civil covenant is based on the laws of the location in which the marriage is taking place. The spirituality is based on God’s precepts because it was, He who first instituted marriage. Thus, the spiritual covenant remains the same regardless of locality.
What are the purposes of marriage?
God designed the friendship bond called marriage to fulfil several purposes. The purposes which are essential in marriage are inclusive of companionship, procreation and relationship.
genesis 1 verse 27 - So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them.
Genesis 2 verse 24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 1 verse 28 - And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it:
What is companionship? Although marriage is a sexual union, companionship is the friendship aspect of the marriage. It is a relationship in which both parties support each other emotionally; marriage is not centred on fulfilling sexual interest. It allows both partners to rely on each other for comfort and support. It is very depressing when one has to share his/her life with someone who is not a friend or offers mutual companionship.
What is procreation? The first task God gave humans in marriage was that of producing offspring through sexual intercourse. Without procreation the human species would not exist. Procreation should be done with great responsibility because spouses must be mindful of how they will satisfy the normal needs of the children. This does not give us the licence to terminate the life of an unborn child, what it teaches us is responsibility. Sexual intercourse is not a casual fling it is one of the most important action that one can engage in. Thus, one must place a high value on his/her body and not give it just to satisfy carnal whims and fancies.
What is relationship in marriage?
What are you actually seeking in a marriage? Why do you want to get married? Are you prepared to give and receive? Are you getting entangled with someone for a lifetime or just for as long as the pleasure lasts? A marriage is not a smooth road without pitfalls and edges; it has no place for bitterness and grudges. A marriage gives partners the opportunity to have a beautiful bond with God at the centre. The Scriptures are their guide and the Holy Spirit supplies the inspiration for continuation in righteousness. The family is built on the principles as set by our Creator and the members model the love of God. Great marital relationship is rooted in obedience to God, love, forgiveness, care, compassion and healing.
What is marriage according to society?
In the past society’s concept of marriage was a union between a male and a female, today’s marriage practices have taken a down turn; moving from godly tenets to human atrocities. A society’s concept of marriage differs according to culture or location and sometimes the basic concept is a union between two or more persons. It is to be regretted that on a whole society’s concept of marriage is often opposite to the Lord’s.
Types of marriage –
Based on society’s concept of marriage there have been many changes to married life.
Some types of marriage are: Polygamy – we focus on two types of polygamy, polygyny – married more than one wife, polyandry- women married to more than one man and group marriage – which is a group of women marries a group of men. All of them have common wives and husbands.
Monogamy- is a marriage with only two individuals.
God’s standard is one biologically born woman and a biologically born man.
What is marriage according to the word of God?
According to the word of God, marriage is a relationship which is synonymous to the relationship between Christ and the Church.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and He is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it;
26 That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church:
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Pillars of marriage
Marriage is a structure which must be properly built on the Sure Foundation and possess pillars to ensure strength and stability. The pillars are principles of godliness as outlined in the Scriptures. The permanency of the marriage union is dependent on the type of material used in its foundation and construction. These are a few pillars on which a properly structured marriage must be built: love, understanding, respect, compassion, forgiveness, endorsement and acceptance.
There are different types of love and many will marry because of love, infatuation or convenience but their expressed emotion lacks the essential pillars. Such union will be temporary because it cannot stand without the pillars.
Yes, it is important that each partner love the other but it is most important that each partner respect the other. Respect will not allow abuse or misuse.
When partners endorse each other, it means that they are faithful and confident in the relationship. They fully support each other positively and easily complement and care for each other. None is afraid of the storms which may blow because each is not only assured of human support but is assured that God is the Anchor.
Some spouses keep looking over the fence trying to find greener pastures. Some spouses are focusing on outer beauty and as the years pass become unwilling to accept the spouse who in the eyes of the other has lost his or her attractiveness. When entering marriage, you are entering a lifetime commitment and many changes including physical changes will occur during this time. You must be willing to adjust to support your spouse. None is perfect therefore when challenges arise each should assist the other over the hurdles and the affected party should be willing to do everything godly that will help in solving the challenges or to make living more comfortable. This is not telling anyone to remain in a situation where your life is at risk. In such situation you can assist from a distance.
Spouses should work with each other to get the best out of the other. Do not want the other to make sacrifices which you would not make; fairness is paramount. Marriage is for better or worse therefore, before entering marriage one must understand the implications of the profound statements: for better or for worse and until death do us part.
Functions of marriage
The functions of marriage may differ based on ones’ perspective. However, we could summarise the varied functions.
Marriage satisfies many human needs that is why despite its sharp edges, persons are willing to be bonded in marriage. Marriage gives room for sexual satisfaction and offers the opportunity for exploration and experiment within the bounds of righteousness. Seeking for pleasure should not lead one into uncleanness because unrighteous sexual practises but the fulfilment of sexual needs must be done according to guidelines offered in the Scriptures.
Every human is a sexual being and there are different ways in which one may find pleasure. Marriage gives the scope for one to obtain a better understanding of human physiology and psychology.
Marriage should also answer to the spouse’s financial, emotional, social and religious. That is why before agreeing to a marriage proposal one should consider his or her reasonable needs and also consider if these needs will be met and if not how will you cope with the unfulfilled needs. It is impossible for any human to satisfy all the desires of another so no one should be pressured to always satisfy the whims and fantasies of another. Be understanding and act wisely.
Marriage requires contentment and understanding. Selfishness can never be housed in a marriage. Remember that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. What if the one making the unreasonable demand is the one facing the demand?
The word of God tells us the following in 2nd Corinthians 6:14-18, Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be My sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
Marriage satisfies spiritual or religious functions therefore the partners should hold the same religious beliefs.
What is to be expected from each partner according to society?
Societal expectations will differ based on culture. In this present world where depravity is getting excessive, societal morals and values are being eroded. What was a terrible act yesterday is deemed good today. Therefore, moral values are compromised and this is often accepted.
What is to be expected from each partner according to the Bible?
The Bible clearly outlines what is expected from the social and religious institution of marriage. Partners must work to support and continually repair the breaches which may occur from time to time. They must be committed to God and to the union, respectful, faithfulness, loving and compassionate. Partners should support each other in prayer. Their home should be a place that houses the presence of God.
What are the consequences for those who do not follow biblical guidelines?
Even if the marriage seems to be stable if Christ is not at the centre, it is not truly stable and prosperous. Without Him there are varied destructive storms which will affect the union. This union without a Sure Foundation is liable to collapse at any time. Our human effort is incapable of holding or building a marital union such as God desires that is why so many marriages are crumbling and homes and hearts destroyed.
How can you repair a sick marriage?
We thank God that He is a Life Saver and a Rescuer. Partners should confess their faults to each other and ask for forgiveness then they go to the Lord in prayer and supplication. He can repair the breach. Do not put your confidence in human’s ideologies and spend much money seeking a solution. Go to God together in penitence and He will do whatever is necessary to make the union what He knows it ought to be. do not allow pride or ego to sabotage your marriage neither let your selfish desires do so. stand united against the dark clouds and you will be rewarded by the inflowing light from Christ.
I pray that everyone will seek guidance from God before and after engaging in this sacred institution. A Christ approved marriage will produce a family set on godly principles thus creating a better society.
Writer - A. E. Fisher
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